This morning I woke up in intense pain. My abdominal area all the way back to my waist and back (the entire midsection of my body) was in deep pain. As usual I swallowed the pain (as is my custom) and continued to mentally push it away. But as the morning grew, so did the pain.
Not only did my entire midsection hurt, my whole body hurt. It’s the kind of pain that almost paralyses you but No, you have to fight through it. If there’s no help with basic things like food, pain meds, a bath, etc the struggle is even tougher. Not like you can still keep an appetite during this time, but as much as eating feels like torture, you still have to force down the food to avoid worse trouble, and yes, to make taking the pain meds safer.
Ah, yes!, the precious pain meds. When you start a new one, it feels great! like you’ve finally cracked the secret code to all of your anguish. You’re excited, until gradually, you begin to need more and more pills to keep up with the pain. Then finally you decide you need a stronger one as the ‘former’ isn’t effective anymore. You break up with your old friend only to begin another journey with a ‘stronger’ friend that still ends up letting you down eventually.
Today isn’t the first time I’m experiencing this particular kind of pain. In fact, it has become part of my monthly (menstrual) and bi-monthly(ovulation) routine. For the menstrual pain, it usually begins about a day or two leading up to the first day of the period and gradually dissipates after the 1st to 2nd and sometimes 3rd day. The ovulation phase is sometimes less severe. It usually lasts for about a day or two, sometimes three.
Asides the pain I have mentioned, there is much more and I sincerely don’t think one article can cover it all.
From the flu-like achy pain I feel from the time I wake up in the morning until the moment I finally fall asleep at night to the extremely crippling sharp pain that feels like a very sharp knife cutting your insides, that comes when trying to urinate or have a bowel movement. My chronicles of physical and mental endurance cannot be contained in one article.
However, I’ll attempt to list them out for the sake of anyone who could be going through similar things or trying to learn more about endometriosis. (I just might put together another more detailed and explanatory article on the symptoms I experience and how it affects me, as I’ve recorded it over time)
- Abdominal pain in several spots at the same time
- lower back pain
- Back pain
- heavy menstruation
- irregular bleeding
- General body aches/ muscle or joint aches
- cyclical painful bowel or bladder movements especially during menstruation: Extreme pain when passing urine or opening bowels
- cyclical bowel or bladder disturbances – constipation or diarrhoea or both, urinary frequency, urgency
- abdominal bloating (endobelly)
- symptoms thought to be due to irritable bowel syndrome
- Chronic fatigue
- Inconsistent skin issues
- Brain fog
- Anxiety /anxiety attacks
- Insomnia, etc
Oh did I mention that most of the symptoms on the list aren’t cyclical, in other words I experience them also outside my period time but period times are worse. In summary, there’s hardly any minute that passes that I’m not experiencing some form of either mild, moderate or intense pain or discomfort or the other. It just varies from time to time in the nature and degree of symptoms. I’ve kind of gotten used to it. But can you really get used to pain?
For so long I have shied away from speaking out directly about it for loads of reasons but I have come to understand the importance of sharing your experiences and how powerfully it can help others who might be in similar shoes.
Endometriosis can be very tough to explain to someone who isn’t experiencing it cos of its many complex sides and the common misconception “but you don’t look sick”
“The dichotomy between the way women with endometriosis look well on the outside but are experiencing excruciating pain internally can cause even well-meaning people to doubt the severity of their pain”-Dr. Cook (Vital Health Endometriosis centre)
Well, despite this constant war in my body and mind, I see myself as a warrior and a victor. I refuse to consider myself ‘sick’, but rather “as one going through a journey of healing, with ONLY precious light going with me and waiting ahead of me” I am a warrior going through life on her own race and though it feels as though the odds might seem against me sometimes, with my body refusing to keep up with the pace my mind is pushing for.
And yes, sometimes the intense pain and frustration breaks me down and causes me to lose faith. I will continually renew my faith and rest in the finished work of Christ. In His unending love for me, will I continue to trust and overcome. Cos I am a Victor and SO ARE YOU.
You are not defined by your struggles but by your perspective of it.
To learn a little more about endometriosis or how I deal with and overcome it daily, feel free to contact me. The following links will be helpful as well (don’t leave out the comments area under the articles)
– What it Really Means to Have Endometriosis
-When I was 24, I suddenly began falling asleep in the middle of the day and lacking the energy to do activities I had always done,” she says. “I was a very active person throughout high school and college, spending 6-10 hours a week at dance practices, then suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore.” While her doctor took her seriously, and did blood tests and a sleep study, it was never linked to her other symptoms: doctors just thought she was stressed… https://thefemedic.com/menstruation/why-isnt-fatigue-considered-serious-endometriosis-symptom
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